Top 10 Reasons Manscaping This Summer Is a Must!
When the weather starts warming up, plenty of females flock to their favorite waxing professionals to get the hair down there ready for bright days in bikini-clad bodies that'll spend hours upon hours at the beach. The ladies have long known that fur sticking of unsightly spots when lots of skin in showing isn't ideal in most situations. Men, on the other hand, have only recently began to discover that male grooming goes far beyond putting a little soap on the scrotum when they're in the shower (although, let's be very clear— sudsing your nuts is an important part of the process!)
The thing is, waxing below the belt is a more plausible option for the fairer sex because the landscape of ladies lends itself to a less stressful situation when the hot liquid lands between their legs. Don't get us wrong—we know plenty of gals who opt out of waxing for the same reasons wise guys do—hot goo around one's junk is just inviting some sort of unpleasant situation. To us, it doesn't make sense why any man would subject his twig and berries to potential burns, scalded balls, and possible trips to the emergency room that'll end in very embarrassing (and unnatural) positions in the hospital bed.
You see, smart fellas manscape the right way. They use tools like Manscaped's The Lawn Mower 2.0 to take the top of their crops off without worrying about tugging, pulling, or other sorts of uncomfortable feelings that have no business being around their balls. They make sure they're on point before they head to the pool, imparting a regimen that puts their best feet (and faces, shoulders, backs, and... anything else that may be seen by strangers later) forward.
Why do dudes put so much effort into their manscaping routines during the summer months? Here's a look at the top ten reasons devices like The Plow have taken up permanent residence in the bathrooms of well-groomed guys everywhere:
1. Everybody's Doing It
We know—that's totally not an acceptable answer for pretty much anything else in life, but when it comes to manscaping, there are some pretty valid reasons it's caught on as such a popular craze.
The removal—or at least proper trimming—of body hair from the collar bone to the balls (and even lower, if you'd like to go lower) has a number of benefits that range from superficial to super sexy. This isn't the kind of bandwagon men jump on just because they want to spend more time with their junk (okay, some do, but hey, we don't judge); a lot of the guys who have created summer manscaping regimens are doing so because the benefits to be obtained from the extra time in the bathroom pay for themselves.
2. People Always Have Their Phones Out
There's an old saying: "You don't want to get caught with your pants down."
That phrase is simply an idiom that supersedes social media by generations. Of course, you're not really going to get caught with your pants down, but in 2019, if your pants did find their way to the floor in a public situation, you can rest assured you be an instant social media superstar...of the unfortunate kind.
Even if your privates stay protected from the potential hazards of public exposure, the parts of your body that are acceptably shown to the world during pool season can still find their way as star features of some weird hashtags.
Do you want to be the guy whose sweater-looking body hair winds up under the hashtag #HairyandtheHendersons? Probably not. Do yourself a favor and trim down your body tresses, even if you're not planning to go completely bare.
3. Nobody Like to Floss with Pubic Hair
Okay, Sophie Saint Thomas of GQ did manage to find one dude out of the 3.5 million members on FetLife who "listed themselves as 'into and curious' about 'plucking your pubic hairs with my teeth'", so we can't say nobody likes to floss with pubic hair. However, if your odds of finding a partner who fits that bill are 1 in 3.5 million people, your better off getting your groin into acceptable shape before you find yourself in a humiliating situation.
What exactly do those odds look like in real numbers? For reference, Puerto Rico has just over 3.6 million residents. Using the aforementioned probability, there's one whole person on the island who would be happy to take your care of your pubic hair in an oral way. That's not a bet we'd take to Vegas.
4. Bacteria Breeds Swamp Crotch
Summer is inherently a time when the temperatures spike and bodies sweat. You likely have an arsenal of underarm deodorant standing by to stop sweat in its tracks when sunny days arrive, but what are you doing to keep your ball bacteria at bay?
The smells your body emanates are not actually caused by sweat, although sweat is certainly related to the process as a whole. Bad bacteria is the reason imaginary squiggly lines follow people who stink (think Peanuts' character Pig Pen).
Underarm deodorant is designed to stop the sweat that ultimately sticks to the skin and hair and serves as a holding spot for all the bacteria your body'll produce throughout the day. Since they're trapped below the surface in a pretty confined space, your balls have a way of producing far more sweat and bacteria than your above-the-briefs body parts will ever see. Leaving them to their own devices is setting yourself up for swamp crotch.
Trust us—nobody's going to care if you're using the most expensive underarm deodorant if you bring a solid dose of swamp crotch wherever you go. The solution? Crop Preserver: a specially formulated below-the-deck ball deodorant that's designed to promote antibacterial protection and tell swamp crotch where to stick it.
5. Body Hair Serves as Insulation
Let's look at this from a different angle first. Bald men usually wear hats in the winter because they don't have hair to keep their heads warm.
Using this logic, when the seasons change, an excess amount of hair can cause you to get hotter than you need to be. Depending on where you live, the summer months are already pretty toasty. Doesn't it make sense to remove as much insulation as possible?
6. People Will Point and Stare
Nobody said the general public is required to be polite if you've got a huge bush growing out of your swim trunks. In fact, some people will surely point and stare if you let your pubes come out to play when you're at the pool.
While you may not necessarily have a low threshold for hairy embarrassments, you should do the public-at-large a favor and keep your pubes in the private place where they belong. At best, you'll be a nuisance. At worst, protective parents could have a few words with you if there are children around.
7. Shaven Skin Begs to Be Touched
Hormones get high when temperatures rise. Hookups happen and partners get a little friskier than they may have been when they were hiding under winter wool.
Invite sexy time by exposing your sensitive parts to the world of bare-skin sensations. Skin-on-skin action without a layer of hair in between is a sensation that's well-worth repeating.
8. You Deserve to Feel Confident
There's something about stepping out of the house clean, fresh, and dressed to impress. The right outfit can instantly boost a person's confidence and create a sense of self-assuredness that attracts other people.
Your body is the outfit you wear beneath your exterior clothing. When you keep it looking its best, you'll feel at the top of your game, knowing you've got the goods going on.
9. Your Feet Have to Come Out of Hiding
Even if you're the kind of guy who won't get down and dirty unless you've got socks on (which is a situation you should really see someone about), your feet are going to get some air time when pool season rolls around. A solid pedicure by way of a nail grooming kit that's designed to enable you to put your best foot forward is an absolute must-do.
10. An Overgrown Garden is the Kind of Place Where Pests Like to Play
Read between the lines. We're confident you'll get the gist. Don't let your genitals be a playground for jeepers and creepers. This is probably a good time to remind you to always wear protection after you've primed and prepped your privates.
Are you ready to do justice to your junk this summer? Don't be the guy people showcase on their social media sites with weird hashtags that go viral because you've got rogue hair growing out of places that make you look like you've stepped down a few rungs on the ladder of evolution. Get your Perfect Package 2.0 so you can primp yourself before you head to the pool like real men do.