7 Manscaping Jokes That Will Make You Laugh
We take our manscaping seriously. We spend tireless effort into refining the art and making cutting-edge tools to get the job done. We invest heavily in engineering and research, and we do all of it to provide you with the best and latest in all things related to manscaping. But, as the old saying goes, all of this work without a little play might be bad for us. Today, we’re going to relax a bit and spend some time on some of our favorite tidbits of manscaping humor.
Enjoy a Laugh
We’ve scoured the globe to find you the best jokes on the planet. Ok, that’s an exaggeration. Really, these are just a few of our favorite jokes around the Manscaped offices. We hope that you get a good laugh out of them too. But, before we get started, we have to include the disclaimer. These jokes are not all safe for work. Also, telling them at your offices might get you slapped with harassment charges. Your workplace isn’t as cool as ours. Anyways, here they are seven manscaping jokes that will make you laugh. And if they don't, you may want to check if you have a pulse. Enjoy!
I'm not saying you need a pube trimmer, but when you get an erection it looks like Pinocchio joined the Taliban.
What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? She gagged.
Bill went to see his doctor and nervously asked if he had ever laughed at a patient.
The doctor reassured him, "In over 20 years I haven't laughed at a single patient because I always remain thoroughly professional."
With that Bill dropped his trousers revealing the tiniest penis the doctor had ever seen. It wasn't any bigger than a AAA battery.
The doctor just couldn't help himself and burst into uncontrollable laughter before composing himself and saying, "I'm sorry I really am, I don't know what came over me. I promise it won't happen again. Now what seems to be the problem?"
Bill said, "It's swollen."
Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study to determine why the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft.
The study took two years and cost over $1.2 million. The study concluded that the reason the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft was to provide the man with more pleasure during sex.
After the results were published, France decided to conduct their own study on the same subject. They were convinced that the results of the British study was incorrect. After three years of research at a cost of in excess of $2 million, the French researchers concluded that the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft to provide the woman with more pleasure during sex.
When the results of the French study were released, Canada decided to conduct their own study. The Canucks didn't really trust British or French studies. So, after nearly three weeks of intensive research and a cost of right around $75.00, the Canadian study was complete.
They concluded that the reason the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft is to prevent your hand from flying off and hitting you in the forehead.
Let's take a break from ROTFL and watch a video, shall we?
A dick has a sad life.
His hair's a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor's an asshole, his best friend's a pussy, and his owner beats him.
What’s long and hard and full of semen?
A cowboy walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman.
He gives her a quick glance then casually looks at his watch for a moment.
The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"
"No", he replies, “I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just testing it.."
The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"
The cowboy explains, "It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically."
The lady says, "What's it telling you now?"
Well, it says you're not wearing any panties."
The woman giggles and replies "Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!"
The cowboy smiles, taps his watch and says, "Damn thing's an hour fast."
Here’s a bonus joke in addition to the seven manscaping jokes that will make you laugh, just to help you get through a long day:
A young man was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend.
She was thrilled at the speed.
"If I do 200mph, will you take off your clothes?" he asked.
"Yes!" said his adventurous girlfriend.
And as he gets up to 200, she peeled off all her clothes.
Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over.
The naked girl was thrown clear, but he was jammed beneath the steering wheel.
"Go and get help!" he cried.
"But I can't. I'm naked and my clothes are gone!"
"Take my shoe", he said, "and cover yourself."
Holding the shoe over her pubes, the girl ran down the road and found a service station.
Still holding the shoe between her legs, she pleaded to the service station proprietor, "Please help me! My boyfriend's stuck!"
The proprietor looked at the shoe and said, "There's nothing I can do...he's in too far."
Ok. Back to Work
We don’t want manscaping to feel like more work than it should, but it needs to be done. With that in mind, we’ll theme the following tips on some of the jokes you just read. Hopefully it helps. If nothing else, it should give you a few cute ways to remember some of the more important aspects of healthy manscaping.
Trimming Pinocchio's Beard
This concept is actually at the heart of most of our manscaping tips. For all of the laughs we can have, a Pinocchio beard is exactly what we’re trying to avoid when we utilize our Lawn Mowers. Even if you just go over your groin area with the longest trimmer setting, it’ll make sure you’re never mistaken for the Taliban below the belt. Instead, you’ll cultivate an inviting aesthetic that might lead to more action than you expect.
Working the Balls
Speaking of more action, if you want your princess to go deep, you have to provide incentive. Think of it this way. Any woman willing to deep throat you probably doesn’t want your curlies poking her in the eye. The gentlemanly thing to do is to shave your balls. That’s at the heart and soul of why we invented the Plow in the first place. We’re gentlemen. We want our partners to enjoy oral as much as we do. Ok. Maybe that’s a stretch. But, we can at least minimize their discomfort when they’re doing something so wonderful for us.
We’re sure this isn’t the first time you’ve heard this: trimming the pubes makes your junk look bigger. If you want to avoid anyone giggling at your less-than-impressive size, this is your first step to take. You’ll notice yourself the first time you shower after a good manscaping session. And, while you’re in the shower, you can take the time to apply a little Crop Cleanser. Actually, you can be liberal with the stuff. It’s an all-in-one formula, so it will wash your hair even while it restores the agitated skin you just trimmed and shaved.
A Happier Dick
That one might have been our favorite. Dicks often do have sad lives, but we’re determined to change that. Our best weapon in that battle is Crop Preserver. On the surface, it’s ball deodorant that will keep you smelling great without burning your manly bits. Under the surface, it’s a carefully crafted piece of technology that is designed to improve your groin health and make your dick happier. Perhaps the best way it does this is by reducing friction that leads to chafing and other problems downstairs.
The Best Pickup Line
We included the cowboy joke because we have an appreciation for creative pick up lines. They can be fun. When you’re actually chasing some tail, a pick up line is the least of the resources available to you. The greatest among them is Crop Reviver. While the toner was created to help your skin recover from a shave, it can do a lot more. The spritz is friendly to use and can give you a quick refresh at any point in the day. So, if you suddenly find yourself in a chance to make a move but don’t have time for more, Crop Reviver has your back.
And that, gentlemen, concludes our efforts. Hopefully you’ve enjoyed the joke-themed manscaping talk. If you want something a little more serious, there’s plenty available at Manscaped.com. We’ve put together an impressive display of manscaping knowledge, tools and resources. Utilize it to your heart’s content. If, instead, you need some more NSFW humor, try this on for size.