How To Groom Your Ass Hair Like a Gentleman
Let’s talk about that hair on your ass. Some of you are ashamed of it. Some of you find pride it in it. Too many of you probably have depraved fetishes that involve it. We don’t want to know. We can’t judge if you keep that stuff to yourself. The one thing that unites us is that our ass hair requires grooming. It’s not an aphrodisiac in any culture. Even if you’re happily married and getting it on the regular, taking care of that ass hair will improve your bedroom life. For the rest of us, it’s pretty much a prerequisite to getting laid. That is why it’s time to learn to manage the hair on your ass in the ways of the gentleman. Here's how to groom your ass hair like a gentleman.
Sex is still the primary motivation for most manscaping, but having a shallow outlook will hobble your ability to truly master the arts of manscaping. You need to understand why groomed ass hair will help you get laid, and that mostly boils down to hygiene. Your ass stinks. It gets sweaty, and that yeti growth stemming from your cheeks is amplifying both of those problems. It’s also really easy to fix. Groom the hair and you’ll be much cleaner.
Step 1: Trim
All body grooming starts at the same place. You need to trim the hair. Many of you might aspire to having a baby-smooth ass when you’re done. We commend your spirit. Even with that goal, your first step is to use your Lawn Mower. If you do nothing else, trimming your ass hair will help with cleanliness, and it’ll raise your bedroom success rate several notches. That said, you need to learn a few things before you get started.
Trimming your ass is not like trimming any other part of your body. You might think you’ve learned enough by successfully trimming your balls. Sure, you had to learn to control the trimmer and deal with sensitive skin, but you could see what you were doing. Also, you can move your balls and junk around to get a safe trim. The ass is a different animal.
The first thing to know about trimming ass hair is that you need a dedicated mirror for the job. You’re going to put the mirror on the ground (hopefully on a Magic Mat, actually), and use it to help see the target area. In case you’re a little slow, you want a dedicated mirror because your clippings are going to fall all over it. Your ass has a unique collection of bacteria, even if you wash regularly, and you don’t want to be cross contaminating it.
As for the technique for trimming, that depends on your end goal. If you plan to follow the trim with a shave, then use the closest guard setting available. That will make the shave much easier. If you intend to wax your ass (which is definitely a sound approach), then you want to trim the hairs to be about ¼-inch long. This is the ideal length for a waxing and will make that process far less painful. If you aren’t yet ready to commit to a perfectly bare ass, then you want to try to trim the hair as short as possible without turning it into stubble. That varies for each guy, so start with a slightly longer setting and incrementally work your way down.
Under no circumstances should you trim your ass with no guard at all. This is a painfully bad idea for two reasons. The first is that the Lawn Mower uses high-quality steel to ensure those blades stay sharp. Without a guard, they can easily nick the tender flesh of your ass crack. When that happens, you’ll walk funny, sit sideways and exist in misery for several days. The other reason is that the Lawn Mower uses a high RPM motor. This is also great for cutting hair, but it produces heat. Most of your skin can handle that heat with no problem, but you’ve spent your life over protecting your ass with two layers of clothing. A minor burn on that flesh will leave you with the same predicament as a cut. Just don’t do it.
Step 2: Scrubbing
So, there could be a different step two. Some of you want to shave. That’s fine. Once the hair is trimmed, get some gentle lubricant and go to town with your Plow. Just, take your time. We already covered the intense discomfort of cutting your ass. For the non-shavers, you’re done with grooming after your trim. Step two is a shower. While we respect your lifetime of experience in the shower, you need to treat your bum differently after it has been groomed. Even a trim will make everything more sensitive. More importantly, you’re changing the state of homeostasis. You need a good, thorough scrub to avoid problems with infection and bacteria. Technically, this is true even if you don’t groom, but doing it right after hair removal is vital. As for those of you shaving, triple all of this advice.
For starters, you want a warm shower that isn’t too hot. Scalding water intensifies irritation. It also exacerbates dryness which can lead to chafing later on. You already know how much you hate a chafing ass. Beyond that, you want to rinse thoroughly before you start scrubbing. You have a lot of hair clippings on your ass. You don’t want to rub them in.
After a rinse, you need to scrub. A hydrating, lubricating soap is an important part of the equation. Crop Cleanser is the obvious choice. The technique here is to exfoliate the sensitive skin. This isn’t about vigor; it’s about tenderness. You’re basically going to massage your ass with a soapy washcloth or loofah until it feels pristine and soft. That will be enough to adequately remove hair clippings and dead skin. It will also take care of bacteria that love to grow down there. Even if you did cut yourself, this process prevents infection. Also, if you’re planning to get a wax job later, this will soften the hair follicles and make the process far less painful.
Step 3: The Long-Term
The above steps handle the direct actions of grooming. Remove hair and scrub your ass. Those are good general life tips anyways. The rest of the process is the same that you’ll find for all of your manscaping. You need to take care of yourself between sessions. This means that you should really be exfoliating with Crop Cleanser every day. You always want to be clean and have healthy skin.
In addition, long-term care requires action out of the shower. Whether you groom or not, every shower should be followed with an application of Crop Preserver. It’s crotch deodorant (and safe for your butt). Besides helping you manage sweat and moisture, it has a concoction that promotes healthy hair growth and resilient skin. Basically, it prevents your grooming from turning your hair and skin into sandpaper. It’s also easy to use. After you pat dry (rubbing sensitive skin with a towel is bad, guys), simply rub some of the deodorant into your below-belt skin. It’s designed to absorb quickly, so it doesn’t add significant time to your shower routine.
The effects of Crop Preserver are amplified by an application of Crop Reviver. As the name implies, it exists to undermine the potential damage that stems from grooming. At minimum, you should use it for a few days after any grooming session. If you like it, it’s perfectly fine to use it on a daily basis.
Going Beyond Your Ass
Well, that about covers it. You have the basic knowledge required to safely and reliably manage your ass hair. You now know how to groom your ass hair like a gentleman. Once you get into it, you’ll find that a groomed ass is a happier ass, and it’s likely to put a little more perk in your step. That’s one of the reasons we do what we do here, and it goes way beyond cropping hair from your butt. If you want the full experience, you can find it all at Manscaped.com. This treasure trove of knowledge has everything from body grooming tips to lifestyle advice that will help you exude positive manliness. It also has a cache of tools for every facet of manscaping. Spending time on the site is the best way to expand your world and become a supreme manscaper.