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July 17, 2018

How To Manscape Your Perineum {Gooch, Grundle, Taint, And Chode}

If you’ve ever glanced at yourself while stepping out of the shower and thought to yourself, “I should really shave some of this bush off sometime,” then this post is for you. Manscaping, or male grooming is often the subject of much debate.

“Should I really shave it?” or “what if it doesn’t grow back right?” are common questions that most men ask themselves before they take final action. Many men have become so adept at coming up with excuses and talking themselves out of shaving that they’ll never experience the wonderful feeling a freshly-groomed underside.

For those of you who are open-minded, however, the world is your oyster. Or at least your perineum is. That’s right- today, we’re going to be talking about shaving your perineum. We’ll discuss why you should do it, how you should go about it, and what tools you’ll need to pick up to ensure the best shave of your life.

But first…

What On Earth Is A Perineum?

If you’ve never heard the term before, you’re not alone. Most men outside of up-and-coming doctors have little to no idea of what a perineum is. However, it’s something that you’ve likely known your entire life. Your perineum refers to the area between the back of your scrotum and your anus. Otherwise known as a “taint,” “grundle,” or “gooch” by different sub-cultures around the country.

If you thought shaving your balls for the first time was hard, try shaving your perineum. This hard-to-reach area was specifically designed to be hidden far away from sharp objects. To reach it, you’re going to do a bit of stretching and probably put yourself in more than a few awkward positions.

We’ll get into all of that shortly.

How To Manscape Your Perineum {Gooch, Grundle, Taint, And Chode}

What’s With All Of The Weird Names?

Honestly, we’ve asked ourselves the same question time and time again. The only conclusive answer that we’ve come up with is “it just fits.” The scientific term Perineum is a little bit hard to remember and sounds a lot more like a religious practice than the darkest corner of your body.

Words like “taint,” “grundle,” and “gooch” automatically bring to mind a place or thing that’s darky, hairy, and unkempt.

Are There Any Real Benefits To Male Grooming?

As it turns out, there are quite a few great benefits to manscaping your cock, balls, and perineum. From increased sex appeal to personal comfort, there’s no reason why you shouldn’t try shaving at least once.

It’s Hygienic

The underside of your balls and perineum is arguable one of the dirtiest places on your whole body. Just think about it for a second. This little patch of skin and hair is caught between a rock and a hard place; your balls and your anus.

Without going into all of the vivid details, the main takeaway that you should consider is that your taint hairs were designed for one primary purpose- to trap any debris and bacteria that falls out of your anus or from the back of your balls. With this in mind, it’s no wonder that your balls take on an awful stench every time you do a little bit of work outdoors.

By shaving all of this hair off, you don’t have to worry about it trapping all of your body odor and releasing it to the world every time that you take your pants off. After your initial shave, the only thing you’ll need to do is shower and soap yourself daily.

It’s not the Stone Age anymore. You don’t need tons of pubic hair.

It Impresses Women

Have you ever wanted to really impress a woman on the first night? While your cousin might tell you that the best way is to spend $200 on her at a fancy restaurant, we call B.S.

You know what’s even sexier than a wallet full of cash, a body that’s well taken care of and nicely-groomed package. If your date catches you without pants on, you’re bound to be the topic of quite a few envious group-chat messages between her and her friends.

A man who knows how to groom himself is a man who generally has his life in order. It’s a kind of subconscious language that’s communicated to the woman and arouses her most primal instincts.

How To Manscape Your Perineum {Gooch, Grundle, Taint, And Chode}

It Gives You Confidence

Confident men are more successful at almost everything in life. It’s scientifically proven. Few men are born with confidence and the key to confidence isn’t becoming massively successful overnight.

Confidence is something that’s built over time by achieving small successes and by doing small things that make you feel better about yourself. All it takes to give your subconscious the confidence booster that it needs is a nice shirt, a fresh haircut, or a recently-groomed perineum. If you can walk into the club or approach your date knowing that you’re family jewels are some of the best-looking in the room, your self-confidence will skyrocket.

It’s Time To Manscape

Before you reach for that old Gillette razor that’s been sitting under your sink for God knows how long, take a moment to consider, “should I really be using a cheap old razor to shave my balls?”

Put it back, or better yet, throw it in the trash. If you’re going to start manscaping, you may as well do it the right way or not at all. This, of course, starts with buying the proper tools. recently put together the ultimate beginner’s package that has everything you need to groom this dark and sensitive area.

It includes the following items:

  • Electric razor
  • Straight-edge safety razor
  • Toner
  • Moisturizer
  • Disposable shaving mats

As you can see, this is more than enough to get started and the best part is that it will cost you less than $50.

Manscaping Tips

Now that you’ve got your shaving kit ready to go, it’s time to start getting down to the nitty-gritty details- the manscaping itself. Here are the best tips that we can provide for how to go about shaving everything between your balls and your anus.

Use Lots Of Shaving Cream

If you want to avoid injury, the best thing that you can do for yourself is to lather-up. Shaving cream is the lubrication that will allow your razor to effortlessly glide across even the most gnarly surfaces. Shaving without cream is like driving a truck with no tires on it- crude, messy, and destructive.

Keep Your Blade Hand Steady

If you’ve never held a razor-sharp blade near your privates, it can be easy to get nervous your first time. Take a deep breath, hold it for 5 long seconds and then slowly let it out. As long as you don’t let your hand shake all over the place, you won’t have to worry about cutting yourself.  

Use Your Electric Razor For The Thick Bush

If your bush is especially thick, you’ll want to hit it with your electric razor before using the safety razor. This will take care of all of the thick, coarse hairs that your fine razor wouldn’t be able to handle.

Always Use After-Shave Or Toner

One of the biggest complaints from men who first shave their package is that they end up with horrible razor burn the very next day. Luckily, this is very easy to prevent. All you need is a good after-shave or toner to help cleanse, seal, and soothe your agitated pores. We recommend the Crop Reviver by

Whether you’re shaving your perineum, scrotum, or the shaft itself, there’s going to be a little bit of a learning curve. The important thing is to start off with a good set of tools. After that, all you need is a few practice sessions. After a few weeks of manscaping you’re guaranteed to be a pro!

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