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THE GENTLEMen's DEPARTMENT

THE GENTLEMen's DEPARTMENT

August 20, 2018

How to Tell Your Significant Other They Have Bad Personal Hygiene

They say that true love is blind. There might be some wisdom in that. But, we’re pretty sure that true love still has a sense of smell. If you’re one of the millions of people on this planet attached to someone who isn’t always on top of their hygiene, you might need some help finding ways to push them into a healthier lifestyle. We’ve intensely researched this topic, and we’ve compiled the best ways to let your significant other (SO) know that they’re not the cleanest sheet in the linen closet. Here's how to tell your significant other they have bad person hygiene.

The Blunt

No, this is not a call to move to Colorado or Washington to cover the smell of B.O. Instead, it’s a suggestion that many people don’t realize just how gross their habits are to others. We swear to you that, “you taste gross” is possibly the most powerful combinations one partner to say to the other (short of “I’m pregnant”). The blunt approach goes farther than a simple, friendly acknowledgement of bad hygiene. It tells the offender in no uncertain terms that their hygiene habits are gross, without excuse and a problem.

Users of this method need to be aware. Some of the more entrenched offenders will be able to shrug off lesser attempts. If you see a crooked smile or a soft chuckle in response to your efforts, you aren’t being blunt enough.

The DIY

This approach is a master craft for those who live in the world of subtlety. Most significant others have ways of dropping hints to their partners about problems or desires in a relationship. Those hints are often met with equally developed obliviousness. The DIY compensates for dropped hints with direct action. Your partner smells bad? Try washing their clothes for them. Maybe invite them to shower with you. Bad breath? Invest in mint-flavored desserts. These can certainly be clues that they aren’t taking care of themselves, but you aren’t leaving results to fate.

You can even pair the DIY approach with others. While you’re brushing your partner’s teeth, you can look them in the eye and tell them how bad their breath is. The only limit to the DIY is creativity. We encourage you to share your most brilliant techniques with the rest of us.

How To Tell Your Significant Other They Have Bad Personal Hygiene

The Group Therapy

This idea basically steals a template from established intervention techniques. You get a group of people your partner trusts and sit everyone down together. You try to focus on gentle, safe and positive language, but the purpose of the session is to make sure they know that their hygiene efforts are coming up short. Usually, across the whole group, someone can get through to them. Then, you guys can share fun and effective ways to improve hygiene. If all goes well, they’ll morph from Pigpen to Martha Stewart in a single afternoon.

The Golden Rule

This method begins with a warning. This is not for the faint of heart. Nor is it for the risk averse. Ok. With that out of the way, the Golden Rule approach is pretty simple. You simply mimic their hygiene habits in order to show them point blank what it’s like to live with such a slob. Some might call it passive aggressive. We prefer to think of it as communicating to your partner with their own language.

The risk with this idea is that it can backfire. Some people might never notice your decline in hygiene. Even worse, they might see your shift as a sign of comfort and stop trying so hard to be clean. You tell yourself it isn’t possible, but it really is.

The Viral

This is not an exercise in biological warfare (even though you might feel like that’s what is being used against you). The Viral method utilizes the internet. It’s similar to the group therapy, but it abandons any pretense of being nice or supportive. Instead, you’re starting an internet bandwagon to get anyone and everyone who has interacted with your SO to pile on the bad news. They stink. Everyone knows it. It’s time to make a change.

Some of the most successful campaigns would include a petition to the government to officially investigate the stank of your partner. The Viral approach is blunt -- multiplied by the power of the internet.

The Bargain

A lot of people don’t respond well to force or coercion. That doesn’t mean they are beyond enticement. The Bargain is an application of carrot and stick philosophy. The basic concept is that sex (or a lack of sex) serves as the entire punishment and reward system. When they do well, you put out. When they don’t, they can sleep somewhere else. You’ll find it's easy to be consistent because you’ll regularly be turned off by their hygienic failures.

The most important part of the Bargain is that it reinforces the idea that your body is your best negotiating tool in any healthy relationship.

The Cover-up

This method has a lot in common with the DIY. The philosophies align: you’re taking your partner’s B.O. into your own hands. The real difference is in execution. Rather than wash their clothes for them (who has time for that nonsense?), you just spritz it with a ton of cologne or perfume. Instead of inviting them to shower with you, you can just hang a car air freshener around their neck. Of all the methods we have for dealing with bad hygiene, this is probably the most time-efficient.

The Animal

This doesn’t appeal to everyone, but for those who fit the mold, this is easily the most desirable way to approach hygiene. Just like parents have used pets to teach responsibility to their children, you can use one to teach your significant other about hygiene. By caring for the pet with baths, tooth care and grooming, they can learn the importance of these acts for all creatures. If the transition doesn’t happen naturally enough, you can mix it with a little bit of bluntness. You can even blame it on the pet. “Honey, you smell a little like spot. Maybe you guys need to take a bath!”

The Artist

This is where you can let your creativity shine. Write a song for your SO explaining the problems with their hygiene habits. Just be sure to perform it in public (assuming you aren’t trying to shame them into compliance). Of course, if you think you have a real hit on your hands then run with it. The fortune you make on your bad hygiene song will put you in a position to drop them in a heartbeat and begin your long string of failed rock and roll marriages.

The Serious One

Hopefully you’ve had a little fun so far. We need to take a minute to be serious. For the most part, bad hygiene stems from two sources. We already discussed one of them. A lot of people just aren’t aware of the problem. They’re used to themselves, and they don’t know that other people find them gross. Gently letting them know can often start a process of recovery.

The other source is more challenging. Bad hygiene often goes hand in hand with depression. If this is something that you and your partner are seriously facing, then there is no quick road to success. It will require endless patience and, often, professional help. So, for all of the joking we like to do about people being stinky, remember that sometimes the root problem runs a little deeper.

Beating the Smells

Ok. Your partner has acknowledged their smell habits. They say that’s the first step, and they’re right. But, acknowledging a stink doesn’t cleanse it. For that, you need a good routine, and we have just the thing.

Trim Some Body Hair

Especially true below the waist, body hair traps sweat and odor. Spending some quality time with a Lawn Mower 2.0 can minimize how much hair is available for clingy odor. You can also perform the process over a disposable Magic Mat, so you can throw away the offensive hair when you’re done. 

Shaving Is Good Too

We don’t universally recommend shaving your whole body. While we encourage everyone to do their own thing, there are two parts of the male body that especially benefit from the touch of The Plow: the balls and the anus. When they’re smooth, your hygiene will improve.

 Shower Dammit!

A good shower happens on a daily basis. It also consists of more than just getting wet. You need to scrub, and you need to do it with something that truly cleans your skin and hair. Crop Cleanser is designed to optimize health for your skin and hair across your body. It backs those efforts up with Active pH Control. If you’re scrubbing daily with Crop Cleanser, your hygiene problems will start to disappear. 

How To Tell Your Significant Other They Have Bad Personal Hygiene

Use Deodorant

Sadly, too many guys find excuses not to wear deodorant. You’d think our society was past this, but it isn’t. And, anyone who is neglecting their pits probably doesn’t even understand that ball deodorant is a thing. Put regular deodorant on your pits and Crop Preserver on your junk. That will handle the bulk of B.O. inducing sweat and give you a real chance to win the war on hygiene.

Have a Maintenance Plan

The last thing to understand is that, in the course of a day, you might need a little maintenance to keep ahead of growing smells. You can re-apply deodorant or use a refresher. For your groin, this is best done with Crop Reviver. Just a couple of spritzes whenever you’re losing your freshness will revive everything and keep you from being the smelly kid.

We hope you have all learned something valuable today. Some people smell, but they usually don’t have to. If you want to be sure you can stay on top of your hygiene at all times, then do some browsing at Manscaped.com.

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