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THE GENTLEMen's DEPARTMENT

THE GENTLEMen's DEPARTMENT

May 16, 2018

Our Readers Top 100 Crazy Slang Words For Their Penis

There’s a certain kind of pride that guys have for their own peckers, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. A penis is a versatile tool that can be used for pleasure, utility, and more. Today’s article is going to be centered around 100 different slang terms that you can use to refer to your penis.

If you’re looking for less boring things to call your penis, then you’re in the right place. Whether you want to joke with friends or if you want to get steamy in the bedroom, you’ll have plenty of words that you can use for your junk. We’ll also take a short look at each term’s history and etymology.

Finally, if you’re looking for the best way to keep your nether regions clean, The Crop Mop Ball Wipes may come in handy.

Slang Words For Penis

The Top 100 Slang Words For Penis

The Favorites

  1. Dick: Dick is one of the most common words that is used aside from penis, and it just seems so fitting.
  2. Cock: When we say cock, we don’t mean the rooster. Cock is another popular term for penis in the English world.
  3. Pecker: This is another piece of penis terminology that has avian inspiration, though pecker is a little less popular than cock.
  4. Knob: Knob is a bit more of a British term, but it’s seeing increasing use across the pond in recent years.
  5. Wang: It can also be spelled whang, but the pronunciation of this term is the same regardless, although some will call it a little immature.
  6. Willy: While it may sound a little diminutive, the term Willy has been used to refer to the penis for quite a long time.Slang Words For Penis
  7. Chode: A chode (also spelled choad) is a term that is used for a penis that is much thicker than it is long.
  8. Member: Member comes from the Latin term membrum virile, which is another term for the penis literally translating to "male member."
  9. Tool: This term goes hand in hand with toolshed, which is a word that is used to refer to the vagina.
  10. Schlong: A schlong is a penis that is quite a bit longer than average, and to be honest, it’s kinda fun to say. Schlong.
  11. Dong: Dong rhymes with schlong, and that’s fitting, as they both have a similar meaning.
  12. Joystick: While your penis may not work with a game console, the term joystick is quite fitting for it, as it is a stick that gives pleasure.
  13. The Meat Show: This is the first of many meat-related terms on this list, and it’s a little more recent than the other ones.
  14. The Pleasure Pump: If you’re trying to pump your partner full of pleasure, then this is the perfect term to use when referring to your penis.
  15. Johnson: Johnson is a classic, and it’s been used for decades. The origin of the term is disputed between Lyndon B. Johnson or Masters and Johnson.
  16. Pizzle: Pizzle is a relatively old term that refers to the penis, and it comes to English from either German or Flemish Dutch.
  17. Prick: While you can call an unpleasant person this, you can also use the term to refer to your penis, as that’s where it originated.
  18. The Bone Ranger: The Lone Ranger has had quite a bit of cultural impact, as is evidenced by this slang term.
  19. The Porker: Since you pork people with it, it makes sense to call your penis the porker, though it may not sound too flattering.
  20. Action Jackson: While it may not be the Carl Weather’s character, calling your penis Action Jackson never goes out of style.
  21. Richard: Since Dick is another way of saying Richard, it’s only natural that Richard would become another way of saying dick (as in penis).
  22. Weenie: Weenie is a little more diminutive than the other ones, but it makes for a good term to use in jokes.
  23. Wiener: Wiener comes from the German word for Vienna, the capital of Austria, which is well-known for its sausages, which have a distinctly phallic shape.
  24. Hot Dog: Much like the previous term, hot dog is used to refer to penises because of the similar shape they both share.
  25. Disco Stick: Made popular by Lady Gaga, disco stick is another funny yet effective choice if you’re looking for something raunchy.
  26. Plonker: Plonker is a little more of a British term, and it has been popular for quite some time. It refers to a larger-than-average penis.
  27. One-Eyed Monster: It's easy to guess where the one eye comes from, and there's nothing new about referring to your penis as "the monster."
  28. Tiny Tim: The Tiny Tim aerial rocket was one of the largest rockets used in WWII, and this euphemism compares it to your penis.
  29. Manhood: This is another archaic term that has survived into the present day, and it can be used in both serious and raunchy situations.
  30. Meat: This one is pretty self-explanatory, and there are plenty of derivatives of it.
  31. Shaft: While this can be used to refer to the shaft of your penis, it can also mean the whole thing.
  32. Boner: Boner is usually reserved for when you have an erection, but it’s a little more childish than some of the other terms.
  33. Noodle: On the other hand, if your penis is not erect, then noodle is a perfect term that you can use to refer to it.
  34. Nut Cannon: This is the first of our funny choices, and we wanted to start things off with a laugh, this is one of the more comic terms we've heard.
  35. Heat-Seeking Moisture Missile: This one is a little ridiculous, but we have to admit that we love it because of the absurdity.
  36. Vagina Miner: This one is a bit of a play on words thanks to how both terms rhyme and how fitting they are.
  37. Pocket Rocket: Similar to vagina miner, this term has a rhyme at its core, and it is made much funnier because of it.Slang Terms For Penis
  38. Rod: Thanks to the similar shape of a penis and a rod, this term eventually came to mean both.
  39. Peter: Peter or Pete are two names that are commonly used to refer to a penis, much in the same way as Johnson, Dick, and Richard.
  40. Family Jewels: We’re not talking about Gene Simmons when we mention the family jewels. This term usually refers to the balls instead of the penis.
  41. Moby Dick: Moby Dick is known for being a giant whale, so if you’re trying to show off your size, use this term.
  42. Sausage: Sausage is a classic, largely due to how a penis and a sausage both share the same phallic shape.
  43. Bald Head Shine: Bald Head Shine refers to an erect penis that has the foreskin pulled back, because of how the head shines.
  44. Fire Hose: If you’ve got the length and you want it to be known, feel free to call your big guy the fire hose.
  45. Skin Flute: Since the flute is played with the mouth, this term is typically used when discussing oral sex (playing the skin flute).
  46. Tallywhacker: This is a piece of British slang that’s relatively old, and it can be used to refer to the penis, testicles, or both.
  47. Bed Snake: There are plenty of snake terms that are used to refer to the penis, and it makes sense when you compare their shapes.
  48. Yogurt Shooter: This one is a little ridiculous, but it’s not inaccurate. If you want a quick laugh, call your penis the yogurt shooter.
  49. Stick Shift: A lot of people will agree that manual is better than automatic. The reason why? The stick shift.
  50. Piece: Piece is a classic, and it's unclear what it's derived from, but we bet that it comes from "piece of meat" or something along those lines.
  51. Meat Thermometer: A meat thermometer tends to have a phallic shape, and this is another favorite meat-related term that is used to refer to the penis.
  52. Microphone: Microphone is another term that you can use when talking about your penis, and it’s derived from the vaguely similar shape they share.
  53. Captain: There are times when your penis makes the decisions for you, much like a captain does on his own ship, so this one fits too.
  54. Cucumber: If you want to emphasize the size of your piece, then call it a cucumber. The bonus is that cucumbers are also healthy to eat.
  55. Custard Launcher: This one has a similar meaning to the yogurt gun, but the execution is a little different, turning the gun to a launcher.
  56. The Third Leg: If you’re proud of your size and you want to show it, just call your penis the third leg.
  57. Wand: While you may not be a magician, you can still use your wand to make magic happen, you just need a suitable partner in bed with you.
  58. Ding Dong: This is the lengthened form of dong, but it’s largely fallen out of favor compared to its shortened offshoot.
  59. Wee Wee: This may be a little too childish for some, but the term wee wee is still a legitimate alternative to penis.
  60. Soldier: Much like a soldier, your penis stands to attention when needed, as you would expect, this is sufficient inspiration for the term.
  61. Wood: Wood is a term that is typically reserved for erections, thanks to how both are relatively hard.Slang Words For Penis
  62. Flesh Tower: Most erect penises are shaped something like a tower, even though some will lean to one side or another.
  63. Hog: Hog is a little less delicate than some of the other terms on this list, and you may want to reserve it for raunchy conversations.
  64. Hose: Much like a firehose, a hose is long, cylindrical, and it shoots out a liquid. Does that sound similar to anything?
  65. Meat and Two Veg: While meat and vegetables make for an excellent dinner, meat and two veg can also refer to your penis and testicles.
  66. Meat Popsicle: Another meat derivative is meat popsicle, and this is often used when referring to oral sex due to how popsicles are eaten.
  67. Love Muscle: The penis is not a muscle, but that doesn’t stop this from being a relatively popular metaphor for it.
  68. Short Arm: This term gives you another way to emphasize the largeness of your penis, and it can be used interchangeably with "third arm" and other similar words.
  69. The Sex Pistol: We’re not sure whether this term is inspired by the famous punk rock band or whether it’s the other way around.
  70. The Cave Hunter: In this case, the cave that’s being hunted is a vagina, which helps make this a clever metaphor for the penis.
  71. Footlong: Another excellent way to highlight your size is to call your Johnson a footlong, but make sure there’s no confusion between it and the sandwich.
  72. Womb Broom: Womb broom is another silly one that is made so much better by how both words rhyme.
  73. Baby-Maker: Baby-maker is a versatile term that can be used to refer to both penises and vaginas, so context is important with this one.
  74. Vlad the Impaler: Vlad the Impaler is known as the real-life inspiration for Dracula, but the term comes from impalement of a different sort.
  75. Bratwurst: Bratwurst is a type of German sausage, and this term is similar to the other sausage-related options on this list.
  76. Chopper: While chopper may sound a little intimidating, that’s probably the point, especially if you’re larger than average.
  77. John Thomas: This piece of slang is inspired by Lady Chatterley's Lover, which is a famous piece of English literature by D.H. Lawrence.
  78. Extendo: This one is evident, based on how the penis extends when it gets erect.
  79. Lizard: If you’ve ever heard someone say they’re going to go “drain the lizard,” now you may understand what they meant by it.Slang Terms For Penis
  80. Old Boy: Old boy is another term that has been used for a long time, it is typically used to refer to one’s own penis.
  81. Pringles Can: This is another size-related term that compares the length and girth of a penis to that of a Pringles can.
  82. Pitched Tent: This usually refers to an erection that’s hidden by clothing, as it will poke up like a pitched tent.
  83. Schnitzel: Another term of German origin, calling your penis a schnitzel will usually only work when discussing oral sex.
  84. The Willy Wonka: Much like Willie and other derivatives, Willy Wonka is another name for a penis inspired by the well-known fictional chocolate factory owner.
  85. Whoopie Stick: Making whoopie has fallen out of style as a term, but the whoopie stick is still a remnant of its existence.
  86. Wedding Tackle: Wedding tackle is a British term that essentially means wedding equipment, which makes it unisex.
  87. Dagger: A dagger is a type of blade, and that gives this term a bit of an intimidating sound.
  88. Jimmy: Up next in the long list of proper nouns that are used when talking about the penis is Jimmy, though he’s a little less popular than Peter and Dick.
  89. Beaver Basher: Since the term beaver can refer to a vagina, a beaver basher is a fitting name for your penis.
  90. Pickle: Pickles have a similar shape to penises, which is likely where this term originated from.
  91. Schwanz: Schwanz is the German word for penis, and it’s made its way into English through slang.
  92. Kickstand: While it’s unlikely that anyone has a penis that can be used as a kickstand, it still makes for an amusing slang term.
  93. Master Sword: If you’re a Zelda fan, then you likely know about the Master Sword, which is a powerful weapon.
  94. Tube Steak: While a tube steak sounds like something that’s distinctly unappetizing, it’s a great way to refer to your penis.
  95. Dipstick: You won’t be checking your car’s oil level with your penis anytime soon, but that doesn’t change the fact that dipstick is a great slang term for it.
  96. Ramrod: Named for the rod used to load muskets, a ramrod sounds like a perfect euphemism for the penis, as it is a rod that rams in a different way.
  97. That Thing: “That thing” is one of our favorite choices when it comes to penis nicknames because it can be both funny and intimidating, depending on the context.
  98. Lethal Weapon: This term shares its name with the famous buddy cop movie, but it’s also sure to get the ladies thinking.
  99. Anaconda: Nicki Minaj may have popularized this term, but it has been around for far longer than her hit single.
  100. Kielbasa: This word is used to refer to Polish sausages, much like Bratwurst and sausage are used in other languages to refer to the penis.

Slang Words For Penis

    Conclusion

    We hope that this guide has provided you with a wide range of penis euphemisms that you can use for a long time to come. You should be well-equipped for some new dirty jokes with your friends, and you’ll also be prepared when the time comes for dirty talk with your lover.

    The vast majority of these terms have been submitted by our readers, and we just wanted to take a moment to thank everyone who sent us an example. If you’re looking for the best way to maintain your package, look into The Perfect Package 2.0 or The Nuts and Bolts 2.0 sets.

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