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12/02/2020

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Sunbaked Butthole? Sunbathing and Health on Your Bum Expert Analysis

People do a lot for their bodies. We also do a lot to our bodies. Sometimes, the line between those two gets blurred and hard to define. When you sprain something working out, was it really worth it? It’s hard to say, but injuries don’t change the fact that exercise is important. Following that train of thought, we often encounter the latest health or beauty craze that is supposed to take us to the next level. For instance, the most popular thing among female beauticians right now is using razors to scrape flesh off of people’s faces to make them look younger. It sounds more barbaric than it really is. Another trend that seems popular among both sexes is butthole tanning. We’re going to look into that a little more carefully to see what exactly is going on here.

The Butthole Tanning Trend

Yep. This is a real thing. If you’re not already convinced that you need to get more sun on your bum, then you can read this for entertainment purposes. Unfortunately, some of you are going to take this seriously, and we’re going to have to have some real talk in a minute. Why do you make us get serious? 

What Is Butthole Tanning?

The name says it all. This is the masterful art of direct UV exposure to the butthole. We’re not talking about the ass cheeks here. The trend is to tan the actual exit hole on your bottom. The flesh is still skin, and it still reacts to sunlight, and it really can tan. We’ll get into reasons, motivations and health speculations a little later. For now, we just want to emphasize that we’re talking about tanning the hole itself. If you don’t think you’re ready for this, now is the last chance to turn away.

How Do You Do It?

If you really think about it, there are logistical challenges to tanning the hole. Getting sun on your ass is easy. You simply drop your shorts and lie face down for a while. It’ll work, and you’ll just want to avoid any sunburns that you have to sit on. Nothing about that sounds fun.

Tanning the anus is a bit trickier. You’ll literally have to spread your cheeks to let the sunlight shine down there, and that’s the preferred method. We’re going to give you a lot of reasons not to do this, but if you insist, the primary technique is to lay on your back, lift your legs, point your toes at the sky, reach down, and spread.

Obviously, you want to point your ass towards the sun. Although, you can aim for indirect sunlight to get a weaker dose and lessen the chance of a burn. It’s not the worst idea. But, most of all, we want you to understand that you literally have to hold your butt open for this. It’s not like a bunch of ladies laying at the beach or by the pool. Butthole tanning takes work. You had better be firmly convinced it’s worth that effort.

butthole tanning

Why Does the Asshole Need Sun?

You might think that your anus doesn’t need direct sun. You’re right. Need is not the operative word. But, for those who do subscribe to butthole tanning, they usually fall into one of two schools of thought. The first is aesthetic. People already put effort into tanning the rest of their bodies. It seems inevitable that someone would push the envelope and extend the practice as far as possible. Instead of having a nice color around your body and a ghostly complexion under the shorts (a problem admittedly worse for some of us than others), you can tan the whole body. Eventually, that includes the butthole too.

Realistically, a tanned butthole has a pretty minimal impact on your aesthetic, but we live in a society of one-uppers. Some of you guys are in that crowd, so here’s your latest extreme trend. 

The other school of thought is completely different. This group subscribes to the alleged health benefits of perineum sunning. Supposedly, it’s an ancient Taoist practice with far-reaching positive side-effects. We’ll get into all of that a little later.

What About Sunburn? 

Sunburns suck in general, but some burns are way worse than others. If you’ve ever had a sunburned dick, you understand this. If you’ve ever had a sunburned anus, congratulations. You’ve experienced a sunburn on the part of your body where it will hurt the most. Considering the risks, you probably want some methods to prevent a sunburn and treat it if you get careless. However, if you do get a burn, there are some ways you can turn a sunburn into a tan.

Just Use Sunblock, Right? 

If you’re not afraid of getting sunblock up your anus, feel free to try. Let us be the first to warn you that it won’t feel good. In fact, it can cause some unpleasant fallout, so you should definitely keep the lotion away from the hole — especially if it’s oil based. There’s a reason anal lubricants are all water based, so keep that in mind.

Definitely put sunblock on the rest of your ass, but don’t spread the cheeks to get deep. As unfortunate as it may sound, a lot of traditional methods aren’t going to work for this one. We already told you it’s tricky.

butthole tanning

How About a Fake Tan?

You can’t get a sunburn from a spray-on tan, right? Well, that’s certainly true, but if you’re trying to get all the way to the anus, you’d probably enjoy a sunburn more than getting those chemicals into your colon. If you thought sunblock was risky, this is way worse. If you’re going to fake tan your ass (which is a whole different can of worms), keep the cheeks closed. Is this starting to feel thematic? Are you picking up on the idea that tanning your butthole is way more trouble than it’s worth?

The Meticulous Approach

If you’re really going to do this, you have to put in the work, and we’re not just talking about the physical effort of holding your butt open. The smart way to tan your anus is with knowledge. Before you drop trow, you should already know the solar index. You should have an idea of how quickly you burn. Then, you should assume that your butthole will burn much faster than the rest of you. It has literally never seen sunlight before. Proceed with caution.

Here are a few ideas to help you avoid trouble. The first time you do this, keep it under a minute. In all seriousness, some of you paler guys out there could burn in a single minute, and you don’t want that. Also, as we mentioned earlier, you can start with indirect light. Don’t aim your ass straight at the sun. Take it at an angle to reduce exposure. Even better, make your first time in the winter. It might freeze your balls a little, but that’s just extra incentive to make it fast.

Lastly, don’t do it consecutive days. Try it once and see how you feel after. If there’s no discomfort, and you swear it made you feel better in some way, try again after a few days. You can gradually build up to a more consistent tanning approach, but keep one thing in mind. There are health risks to doing this, and we’re going to discuss them in a minute.

Treating Sunburn

You idiot. After all of these warnings and tips, you still burned your asshole. Think for a minute about how much effort it took on your part to even make this possible. We’re tempted to leave you alone in your suffering just to emphasize how dumb the whole thing is. But, we’re a bunch of softies, so we’ll give you some tips.

A sunburned anus is not easily treated. You can’t exactly rub aloe on it. That’ll lead to the same pain as rubbing anything else on there. Instead, you want to start with loose clothing. For the most part, clothes don’t touch your anus. The only real concern is anything that has given you wedgies in the past. Those clothes are your enemy.

If you need some relief, you can consider wetting a soft cloth with cool water. Use it like a compress. It’ll give temporary relief, but it won’t really solve the problem. If you need to go a step further, then you want to consider water-based lube. KY, Astroglide and other companies make stuff that is specifically engineered to be safe on the bum. A little lubrication can reduce irritation and help you endure the process.

For the discomfort, oral pain relievers aren’t a bad idea. A little ibuprofen (or whatever you prefer) can lessen the symptoms and make it a little easier to wait for natural healing to run its course. As always, make sure you know what you’re taking, and if you ever have doubts, talk to a doctor first. The sunburn hurts, but it’s not so unendurable that you have to get crazy with the meds to survive. You’ll be fine. Probably.

If it’s truly bad, then you should see a doctor. There’s a good chance they’ll direct you to a lidocaine treatment. You need to involve your doctor, though, because many over-the-counter lidocaine treatments have additives that should not go near your anus.

You’re welcome. Hopefully you learned something valuable from this experience.

sunbaked butthole

Butthole Tanning and Health

It’s time to get into some of the deeper discussion. A lot of people explore perennial sunning because they believe it comes with major health benefits. Claims say that it can improve hormone regulation, libido, personal magnetism, auric field, energy levels and skin health. That’s quite a list. If it did even a fraction of those things, it would probably be worth considering, right?

The Hard Truth

Sunlight does not magically enter your butt and fuel you. You’re not a plant. You don’t convert sunlight into energy. In fact, when it comes to health trends, phrases like “personal magnetism” or “auric fields” should be red flags. This isn’t even pseudoscience. It’s complete B.S. There are no magic fixes to give you energy and make you feel great. You already know that. 

Now, tanning in general can have positive health impacts. You probably already understand that sun exposure is good for the human body in a lot of ways. Most notably, sunlight helps you produce melanin and vitamin D. Those are both important to your general health and should convince you to get a little sun every now and then.

Here’s the thing. Melanin and vitamin D production scale with the surface area of skin that is exposed to sunlight. Basically, you have to get sun on a lot of your skin for it to do any good. How much skin is on your butthole? Do you really think it’s enough to make a difference? Tanning the ass cheeks will lead to several times the health benefits of focusing on the hole. You can stop spreading your cheeks and get all of this positivity without risking your anus. In fact, you can leave your shorts on. Just getting the arms, legs and upper body is more than enough. And, it takes a lot less sun exposure than you probably think. 

In case there’s any doubt left in your mind, let’s be perfectly clear. There are absolutely no health benefits to sunning your butthole. 

Negative Health Consequences 

Unfortunately, there are negative health effects of this practice. There’s no way around it. Any sunburn increases your risk of skin cancer. Even without the burn, the UV rays can cause cancer in any skin, and the risk is higher for more sensitive, less pigmented skin. That means that your butthole can get melanoma (and other forms of skin cancer) more easily than any other part of your body. It’s not a joke. 

There’s a second problem here. You can’t see your own butthole. You’re not regularly getting a look at it, and you’re very likely to miss early warning signs of developing cancer. If you’re going to tan the anus, then you need to make sure it’s checked by a doctor every year. We’re having a hard time imagining something worse than butthole cancer. Don’t play around with it.

sunbaked butthole

Instead of Tanning, Try Manscaping 

Whether you want the aesthetic benefits of butthole tanning, or you’re interested in feeling better, there’s something you can do that really works and doesn’t put you at risk for butthole cancer. That something is manscaping, and we’re going to show you why it’s the better route.

Looking Your Best

There are a lot of people who have dedicated their lives and careers to optimizing the male aesthetic, and they all subscribe to manscaping. Getting body hair under control is going to do a lot more to make you attractive than any amount of tanning. That goes for your butthole too. It’s hairy. It’s gross.

With a nice trimmer (and a razor if you’re brave), you can get that hair under control. It makes you look far sexier with your clothes off. It also reduces how much swamp ass stink can cling to you, so you smell sexier at the same time. There’s no getting around it. Manscaping is absolutely essential to having the sexiest ass possible (and yes, you should trim your cheeks, too).

Feeling Amazing Too

Even if you’re not worried about looking sexy, grooming ass hair is an amazing thing. If you’ve ever had an itchy butthole, it was probably directly related to the hair growing. The stuff is abrasive, annoying, makes you hot, traps sweat and causes all kinds of discomfort. The first time you walk around without ass hair, you’ll understand the difference. It doesn’t magically align chakras or some nonsense. Instead, it reduces friction and makes you feel less annoyed. The freeing sensation is amazing, and it really will put pep in your step.

The next time a so-called health guru tries to sell you on their latest trend, ignore them and stick to the classics. You need a healthy diet, regular exercise and good hygiene. Manscaping might not be essential to fighting disease, but going above and beyond on your hygiene will make you feel cleaner and brighter. It has a psychological effect that is good for you, and the repetitive practice of caring for your body combats depression, anxiety and simply not feeling your best. Don’t worry about tanning your butthole. Instead, check out Manscaped.com and see all the ways you can better yourself without taking crazy risks and looking like an idiot. Up next, check out our guide on stretch marks men deal with and what to do about them.

manscaped

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