Why do my balls itch?
Itchy balls are the worst. First off, the itch is usually pretty intense, and you gotta get to that right now. But these are the balls that itch, so if you go in there gung ho, then you're going to end up doubled over with pain so bad it makes you sick to your stomach. So you have to do that special scratch that we all learned — the one that is specifically for scratching the sack.
That special scratch isn't exactly subtle, so when you do go after your balls, everyone in the room can see. For whatever reason, men's balls aren't supposed to itch (or at least we're not supposed to scratch). That means we need to head this thing off at the front. If we figure out why our balls itch, maybe we can help keep it from happening and lead a more peaceful life.
You're using the wrong tools to groom
One of the leading causes of itchy ball syndrome is scratchy pubic hair. It's a devastating condition, and it can arise from several reasons. A common cause is unkempt pubes. They're long, curly, and wiry, and they can curl back into your ball sack and make it itch like fire. Grooming helps a lot.
Unfortunately, if you groom poorly, you're trading one problem for another, worse problem. You might think that the best way to stop pubic itching is to just shave it all off. If you do that without thinking, you're going to get a horrific razor burn. You're also going to get brutal stubble as the hair grows back.
Your best friend in this process is your trimmer. With a trimmer, you can control the length of your pubes to make them as friendly and not itchy as possible. If you still really want to shave your pubes, trimming first reduces razor burn and the many forms of itch that come with using a razor blade on your balls.
You have dirty balls
Regardless of the hair situation, your skin can be itchy all on its own, and if you aren't taking good care of the skin around your crotch, it's going to itch.
Most commonly, this comes from dry skin. When you have bad hygiene, your balls are going to get sweaty. The sweat eventually drives, and it leaves a bunch of salts behind, which dry out your skin. Over time, that gets super itchy. A shower with a moisturizing groin wash — such as Crop Cleanser™ — will remove the salty deposits and rehydrate your skin. Itch solved.
In a worse scenario, the itch is caused by infection. Maybe you've heard of the term jock itch before. Jock itch is a fungal infection in your groin, and it's basically athlete's foot on your junk. It burns and itches, and it's not fun at all. Bad hygiene makes it a lot easier for skin infections to take root. Once they do, they're a pain to cure. Just shower daily with a good soap, and you'll be protected.
You're a guy. You've experienced chafing before. Maybe it was a swimsuit at the pool or the beach. Maybe your underwear sucks. There are a lot of things that can cause chafing. The problem is that persistent chafing will rub your skin raw. It will start with itchy balls, but it can quickly escalate into irritation and even damaged skin.
The best defense is a good offense. Attack the chafing problem head-on. One amazing tool in this fight is anti-chafing formulas. Crop Preserver® is the best ball deodorant on the market and also helps control moisture and helps avoid chafing under your shorts.
If you combine that with regular moisturizing, your skin won't be prone to chafing, and you skip this misery altogether.
You've made poor choices and now have an STD
Nobody likes talking about STDs, but they're a part of life, and we have to acknowledge them. When it comes to itchy balls, many STDs can be the real cause. If you've had sex with anyone besides yourself, there's a chance you caught something. If you had unprotected sex, there's an even better chance.
Before you freak out, it's important to understand that not everything that itches will make your balls fall off. Many guys struggle to identify if a mark on their skin is an ingrown hair or an STD, so slow down and learn a little before you let anxiety run free.
When itchiness is the primary symptom, you could be looking at chlamydia, gonorrhea, genital herpes, HPV, or crabs. Other, less common STDs could also cause itching. If the itching is persistent, intense, accompanied by burning, or is on a list of more severe symptoms, you need to see a doctor. It's better to get diagnosed and treated right away. Leaving these things alone can lead to permanent damage, impotence, and even death.
In general, if you're sexually active with multiple partners, you should get regular STD screenings. Catching this stuff early can save you a lot of pain.
It could be dermatitis
Dermatitis is a scary-sounding medical word. The truth is that the condition can range from mild to very serious, and only a doctor can help you determine the severity of your case. In general, dermatitis is a term for skin irritation. If you wear clothes that rub you too much, it can cause dermatitis. So can allergic reactions, chemical exposure, and skin diseases. There's a wide spectrum of potential causes.
In most cases, you can treat dermatitis with home remedies. Moisturizers go a long way for a lot of cases. Air and light exposure can clear up many cases (which is a great excuse to let the boys hang free for a bit). You can also use over-the-counter gels or creams designed to help with dermatitis; just make sure they are genital safe.
If the condition doesn't resolve within a week or is intense enough to cause you distress, go see a doctor. They can properly diagnose your cause of dermatitis and help you get the appropriate treatment.
How to scratch your balls without anyone noticing
Sometimes, an itch is just an itch. It isn't persistent. It isn't a sign of dire conditions on your balls. Itchiness happens. Assuming you're taking good care of your junk, you're still going to have an itch to scratch now and then. In our un-evolved society, it is somehow considered rude to scratch your balls in sight of another human. As ludicrous as that may be, you need techniques to discreetly scratch that itch. These are our favorite.
Play pocket pool
Pock pool works best if you have keys or loose change in your pocket. You can make it seem like you're just playing with them. In reality, you're on a secret scratching mission.
Use a distraction
It's a classic. Point at something and make an exclamation like, "What in the world could that be?!" While everyone is looking away, go to town on that itch.
Hatch an elaborate scheme
You've got a real itch this time. A quick distraction won't work. You need to go big. Involve your most trusted friends. Rob a bank if you need funding. Just kidding, don't go that far. But do whatever it takes, carry out your scheme so you can scratch with impunity.
Leave the room
Or, you know, you could just leave the room. Bathroom stalls are usually pretty private.
Just go for it
Maybe it's time we break this ridiculous social convention. If all guys everywhere just start scratching in public, they can't stop us all, right?