We did it. Somehow, our genius team of engineers and developers managed to create the perfect trimmer. Our Lawn Mower™ 2.0 is the best trimmer for manscaping and has been wearing this crown awhile now. We’re really excited about this achievement, and we want to celebrate with you, our fellow groomers. So, we’re going to debut this technology to the world by showing just how far male grooming has come over the millennia. We’re going to show a side-by-side comparison between The Lawn Mower 2.0 and the most traditional and ancient grooming tool of them all: scissors.
The Lawn Mower 2.0 runs at 6,000 rpm. By contrast, scissors run at about eight rpm. That looks like some pretty easy math. The electric trimmer can handle about a thousand times as many cuts every single minute. When you think about how much hair you have on your body, the vast difference in tools really explains itself.
What might take an hour with scissors will take mere minutes with a trimmer. It might seem silly to make this comparison. Of course mechanized trimmers can outperform scissors for cutting pubic hair. Silly or not, comparing the manual effort to the mechanized performance can help you understand what your shiny new tools are really doing for you. So, we’re going to take this comparison all the way. You’ll see that scissors are a terrible idea for trimming pubic hair, and not just because you could accidentally snip your junk (although that’s a very serious consideration).
Scissors are more than the inferior tool. They’re a relic of a past, not so long ago, when grooming was a dangerous venture. While we appreciate a little masculine bravado, no one should have to risk the safety of his balls for the sake of sexiness.
Replaceable Ceramic Blades
If your scissors get dull, you have to get entirely new scissors. Theoretically, you could sharpen the scissors, but let’s be real here. Have you ever sharpened any pair of scissors in your life? Neither has anyone else.
To be fair, the ceramic blades of the 2.0 also have to be replaced when they get dull, but there are some important differences. First, you can get a refill pack of replacement blades. When it’s time for a replacement, you just swap in a new module with no problem. It takes seconds, and they store easily. When you need new scissors, it can be pretty awkward. Where do you normally go for body hair scissors? You’ll have to go there again.
More importantly, ceramic blades last a lot longer than steel. Even though your Lawn Mower 2.0 is making thousands of cuts a minute, the blades stay sharp because the ceramic is so hard. Steel loses its edge remarkably fast by comparison.
Of course, there’s also the safety aspect. Having a fast cutting mechanism isn’t necessarily a good thing. If it weren’t safe, then you’d be using advanced technology to butcher yourself in the most horrible way imaginable (do they still make Saw movies? This would be a good candidate for a scene in a Saw movie). Thankfully, the 2.0 has SkinSafe™ technology. This is an engineering feat that makes the sharp and fast-moving edges of the ceramic blade completely safe. It is so much harder to cut yourself with a 2.0 than a pair of scissors, and that’s what this is really all about. If scissors slip one time, your life is ruined. If the 2.0 slips, you might have an embarrassing manscaping style for a bit, but it won’t physically hurt.
We really need to stop and emphasize this. We figured out SkinSafe technology a while ago, and we feel comfortable saying that we pretty much reduced the chance of getting manscaping cuts and nicks by doing that. Some guys insist on using a razor blade for work, and we can’t protect them. But, when you use the 2.0, you really are taking the proper measures to protect your jewels from harm.
In this light, there’s really no comparison. What kind of crazy person would risk the safety of his manhood just to use an inferior technology? You aren’t that guy, are you?
Speaking of slipping grips, we need to discuss control. Scissors were a brilliant invention 3 or 4 thousand years ago (they’re seriously that old). Humanity has made at least a discovery since then. Even the most advanced, modern scissors have some serious control issues. Leverage works against you, and you can’t exactly get a commanding grip by putting your fingers through little loops.
Think about it for a moment. There’s a reason a doctor is fine using scissors to cut clothes, but they don’t use them to perform surgery. You want something much more precise for that kind of work, and you don’t get it with the clumsy lever action of a pair of scissors. Granted, doctors usually shy away from high-rpm motors (except for sawing bones), but that’s probably just because we haven’t invented the perfect tool for them. This is going down a dark path. Let’s get back to scissors vs trimmers.
By comparison, The Lawn Mower 2.0 is the very essence of control. It is outfitted with an accurate grip. This is space-age engineering that is specifically designed to improve your control. Even though the 2.0 would be perfectly safe it your grip slipped, that’s not much of a concern. You’re trying to do precise male grooming, and we want to empower that precision. So, the 2.0 grip is crafted to ensure that you won’t have accidents, and your bad manscaping will be 100 percent your own fault.
Scissors are super convenient, right? They’re small. They travel easily. They don’t have a cord, and you never have to worry about running out of electricity. When the apocalypse comes, we’ll all go back to trimming our pubes with scissors.
Even though all of that has an element of truth, The Lawn Mower 2.0 is substantially more convenient. We’ve already established the superiority of powered trimming. Let’s add a few things to the scoreboard. The 2.0 is also cordless. It’s extremely light and easy to take with you.
The 2.0 wins even more convenience points by being completely waterproof. If you take your scissors in the shower, they’re going to be a hazard, and they’re going to rust. Soap and lubricants only add to the potential disaster. With the 2.0, you can do pretty much whatever you want. It’s already optimized for your lifestyle.
Later on, we’ll explain why you really shouldn’t manscape in the shower, but for now we’ll just say this. The Lawn Mower 2.0 isn’t the problem. It can handle showers better than your own body, and that one isn’t actually a joke.
Here’s the final showdown between scissors and the 2.0. The Lawn Mower 2.0 features USB rechargeable for up to 60 minutes of cordless performance with an LED light to indicate charging status.Despite its petite size, it can run that high-powered 6,000 rpm motor for 60 minutes on a single charge.
This is overkill on purpose. If it actually takes you 60 minutes to manscape then you need some serious help — or you might need an actual lawn mower. In reality, you should be able to get multiple sessions out of a single charge.
If you’ve ever struggled with trimmer cords, bad batteries, or insufficient cutting power, those days are forever behind you. If you used inferior technology, there were probably days when you were tempted to grab the scissors. Rest easy, friend. We solved it all. The battery charges fast, and every aspect of maintaining this trimmer is as easy as possible. The scissors are just a keepsake now.
Manscaping the Right Way
At this point, you’ve done yourself an important favor. You took the time to learn why electric trimmers are better than scissors. It’s safe to say that your life will never be the same. But, if we were to entertain the idea of toning down the sarcasm for a minute, we would be inclined to get you a real lesson on manscaping. In fact, we’ve distilled the bulk of manscaping into a four-step process, and we really enjoy sharing it with you hopeless, lost causes. Gentlemen! We meant to say gentlemen.
First, You Groom
You’re lucky that we’re tireless. A lot of people out there are suggesting that you should shower before you groom. We’re the real experts, and that’s why we say they have it backwards. It’s not that showering is bad for grooming. In fact, being clean is good for the process in a lot of ways. We recommend grooming first because it’s just more efficient. We’ll explain more in the next step.
For now, let’s talk about how to groom. Lay down a Magic Mat™, and grab your Lawn Mower. It’s pretty simple. This trimmer can handle the worst your body has to offer. Trim everything to the length you want, but be careful about cross contamination. You want to divide your body into three sections: above the neck, above the waist and below the waist. One of the easiest ways to keep clean in this process is to dedicate a ceramic blade head to each area. Or, you can wash the trimmer as you go. It’s still waterproof.
Second Is the Shower
When you’re done grooming, you can wad up and toss your Magic Mat. You’ll find that cleanup has never been easier. From there, you want to hop in the shower. There are a few reasons that make this the superior order. The first is that you need to clean yourself after grooming. Hair clippings are irritating, so you’re going to want to wash anyway. Taking two showers in a row isn’t just silly, it’s bad for your skin.
You might think that simply grooming in the shower is the way to go. Well, that’s going to clog your drain, and it’s going to keep you in the shower for too long, which is bad for your skin. If you do things the easy way, you’ll have a nice shower that gets you clean. The Crop Cleanser™ that you use to wash will help restore any damage incurred during grooming.
Third Comes Skin Care
When you finish your shower, you have two applications waiting for you. You want to gently towel dry because they both go better on dry skin. The first is Crop Preserver™. This is your ball deodorant, and if you haven’t been using ball deodorant, this is the part where you nod in marveling wonder that this hasn’t always been a thing. Ball deodorant will stop the worst of your B.O. in its tracks. It will also help your skin and hair recover from grooming, all while it keeps your boys feeling cool and delightful.
Rubbing a little deodorant into the sack takes less than a minute. When it’s dry, you’re going to hit yourself with a spritz or two of Crop Reviver™. This is the final part of your care routine. Crop Reviver also helps with moisturizing and pH. It adds a little aloe to the equation to fully soothe any razor burn that might plague you.
Lastly, You Dress
Whether you prefer grooming to start or end the day, you should wear underwear. It’s just cleaner. This section isn’t really here to explain how to wear underwear. We give you that much credit. Instead, we just want to brag about our amazing boxers for a minute. We cleverly named them “MANSCAPED Boxers.” What they lack in creative naming they make up for in overwhelming comfort. These boxer briefs are actually designed with cooling technology and anti-chafing fibers. We’re not making this up. This underwear will actually improve your quality of life.
The underwear is packed with cool features that we like, but we can save that for another day. For now, you’re going to have to be satisfied with another valuable lesson in manscaping. You learned all about scissors today. More importantly, you were introduced to the latest achievement in grooming technology: the Lawn Mower 3.0. Until next time, be sure to check out all of our latest updates at MANSCAPED.COM, and stay fresh out there, boys.